Questions & Answers
In the church "Salvation" (Vyshneve, Ukraine) there is a telegram channel "Read and Win" where shepherds answer interesting questions asked anonymously in this telegram channel.
Those issues that relate to the topic of marriage and relationships, we will publish in this section.
All blessings!


Question: «Good afternoon, I often hear in the sermons that marriage without Christ will not be happy, it turns out that there are no happy people in the world in marriage? If there are such marriages, why then say so?»


Pastor of family ministry Irina Zhavoronkova answers

Photo of Pastor of family ministry Irina Zhavoronkova

Good afternoon!

Of course, there are happy marriages in the world, and also, unfortunately, unhappy in the church.

However, I am sure that the preachers, from whom you heard what you write, did not intend to distort reality! And just to help people understand that with Christ the chances of having a happy family are many times greater! Indeed, according to statistics, happy families among believers are incomparably greater than in the world. If you ask a person to name a few happy families, then unbelievers are always hard to remember, and if they come to mind, there are literally a few; among believers, happy families are not difficult to remember.

The fact is that Christians have special power from the Holy Spirit, which helps them to ask for forgiveness and forgive, give, not expecting in return, humble themselves and remain silent, accept the other with his shortcomings, and not “saw”, make the spouse happy, and not constantly seek happiness only for themselves, show respect, not criticize , blame and demand ... that is, to carry out all that is necessary for a happy family life. Also, believers, besides the power of the Holy Spirit, have an example of the sacrificial love of Christ, an example of His forgiveness, they have the principles of a happy family life that are contained in the Bible, they have a motive to use them, even when it is difficult, namely, love of God and obedience His.

Not all Christians use the power of the Holy Spirit and are guided by Biblical principles, therefore Christian families are unhappy.

And in non-Christian families sacrificial love, acceptance, desire to give, not receive, etc. generally a rarity. Therefore, you also hear in the sermons that marriage without Christ will not be happy.

It is worth noting that in any sermons you can find flaws and inaccuracies, but let's better take from them useful for your life, and also look for opportunities to spread the Gospel so that more people can find salvation and the chance to have a happy family!



Question: «Hello, is it possible to marry without matchmakers so that there are no unnecessary conversations, questions and unnecessary confusion so that everything can pass as quickly as possible?»


Pastor Vyacheslav Murenko answers

Photo Pastor Vyacheslav Murenko

Good afternoon. Thank you for the question.
The New Testament does not describe the ceremony of engagement, weddings, wedding. Each church itself establishes and adheres to rules and traditions. There is a general in all ceremonies of the wedding - a prayer of blessing, anointing of the eagle, the sacrament of the young. It is very important.

The absence of a rite of swords is not a sin.

Now the question is up to you. Why are you avoiding this ceremony? This is a joyful and solemn event. There is nothing shameful in it. Therefore, I advise you to talk to your pastor. There is some reason for your "escape" from this event. And do not be afraid, it's better to start your family life with a clean sheet, no secrets and dark spots.

God bless you.



Question: «Good afternoon! A husband is a slave of his parents, the interests of his wife and family do not support how to live with such a person? Can this change?»


Corresponding pastor of family service Sergei Zhavoronkov

Photo pastor of family service Sergei Zhavoronkov

Hello!

Could it change? - May!

However, you will not be able to change your husband! Changes in it are possible if you change something in yourself! If you take steps that your husband will want to unstick off from your parents and stick to you.

In the Bible it is said that the husband and wife left their parents and cling to each other. It's sad when some of the spouses do not do this. However, you are personally responsible only for self-sticking off from your parents and sticking to your husband, even if the person does not want to do the same.

What exactly are the steps you could take?

Nothing can affect this man as a wife's life according to the Word of God. Let's look at a few fragments of the Scriptures addressed specifically to the wives.

1) 1 Peter 3:1-2: "Likewise, you, wives, obey your husbands, so that some who do not obey the word, the lives of their wives without words, when they see your behavior clean in fear."

God-fearing life of his wife, who saws her husband, does not teach his life, does not expose him, which is characterized by the benevolent silence that gives him freedom, helps him to tear away from his parents and stick to his wife.

2) Eph. 5:33 (b): "... and the wife see that she reverence her husband". Free translation of this passage: "And let the wife watch her to respect and respect her husband (that is, to pay attention to him, take care of his needs, give him the honor, give him an advantage, highly appreciate him, take his opinion, praise him , love him, do not compare with anyone, do not rebuke him, in the eyes and before the eyes talk about him only good and admire him very much)".

Respect yourself, his needs, personal space, habits, hobbies, preferences. The unconditional respect of his wife helps her husband to be disconnected from his parents and stick to his wife.

3) 1 Corinthians 7:3-5: "Let the husband give his wife the necessary love, as well as the husband's wife. The wife does not have authority over her body, but the husband, the same man does not possess over his own body, but the wife, do not deviate from one another, except by consent, on time, for exercise in fasting and prayer, and then again, be together so Satan does not tempt you with your distraction."

Give your husband the right love in your intimate life. If a man is satisfied with the sexual sphere of life with his wife, she does not shy away from him, it helps to keep him off from his parents and stick to his wife.

Here are some more tips that can help you too:

1. Pray for the husband, for his parents.

2. Show admiration and respect for his parents, without looking at anything.

3. Follow my husband's family seminar.

Of course, I can not guarantee this, but most likely the husband will prioritize his wife, who is cheerful, available in sex, creates at home an atmosphere of rest, feeds him with a delicious meal, respects him, does not ship his claims ... But even if it is not it will happen, the mere pursuit of God's truths and a close fellowship with God will help you live in prevailing circumstances and even be happy with it.

May the Lord help your husband unstuck from your parents, and you will be wise to help this!



Question: «What if I like a guy?»


Natalie Babinets, pastor of the teen ministry, answers

Photo Natalie Babinets, pastor of the teen ministry

Thank you for your frankness. The fact that you like a guy is nothing bad, it shows that you are a human and this is absolutely normal. The only question is what to do with it. In the church it is not forbidden to communicate, just to be friends with your peers. Unless it goes into a stage of sin! If you are under 18 and this guy has no serious intentions regarding you, I would advise you to simply communicate with everyone, be friends with everyone, including this guy.

If you are a teenager, then all the more, you have to direct your energy, the flow of thoughts in a different direction, for example:
1. Reading the Bible.
2. Communion with God.
3. Constantly stay in the doctrine, go to home church, to all ministries, to teen clubs.
4. Find your ministry in the church and at the teens club.
5. The maximum switch to what you really need in life and most importantly - to pray and seek God's will for your life.

And God, like no one else, knows who you need, what kind of young man will suit you, and He will surely bless you if you remain faithful to Him.



Question: «If possible, name 7 reasons why Christians have not been married for years, thank you in advance for your answer.»


Pastor Andrei Belonozhko answers

Photo Pastor Andrei Belonozhko

Your question is like a cry from the heart and in fact affects not only your concern, but also the fears of many brothers who cannot marry for a long time.

The main reason why men find it difficult to find the other half is BABYHOOD.

By this word, I mean infantilism in its various manifestations.

Here are some signs of male infantilism, which "scares away" girls:
- love in yourself (selfishness)
- irresponsibility
- superficiality
- frequent change of work
- lack of commitment to service, church
- dependence on the mother and the like

These manifestations are like a loud signal for the opposite sex that the guy is not ready to become the head of the family.

The Apostle Paul shares his experience: “When I was a baby, I spoke as a child, I speculate as a child, I thought as a child; but when he became a husband, he left the infant.” /1 Corinthians 13:11/

Leave infancy, work on yourself, and the family will appear and will be the fruit of the changes that you have made in yourself with God's help.



Question: «Greetings. What should be the attitude to her sister if she performs at a fitness bikini competition? Thanks for the answer.»


Pastor Elena Greschenko answers

Photo Pastor Elena Greschenko

Hello. Thanks for asking. The Bible describes one sin - the atrocity. The word "atrocity" means - a gross violation of the rules of decency, "without rank". Each of us carries some rank: parents, children, director, worker, minister... According to his rank, each person has duties and rules of moral behavior. Jesus Christ gave us the order - the children of God, and everything we do must meet high moral and ethical standards, according to the order. What to do if in your environment there is a sister who acts in the nomination fіtness-bikini?

First, do not condemn it.

Second, talk to her. Explain that her actions do not correspond to the title of Christian (rank) and serve as a temptation. (Galatians 6:1 Brethren, if any man falls into sin, you spiritual correct it in the spirit of meekness, each watching for oneself).

And third, if the sister does not wish to leave her lifestyle and fitness bikini classes in competitions, do not communicate with her. (2 Thess. 3:16) And we, brethren, will make you, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, move away from every brother who acts unhappily, and not according to the tradition that you received from us).

May the Lord give you wisdom and love in fellowship with your sister!



Question: «Hello. I am married to an unbelieving husband, we have grown-up children, but for many years we have not lived together, because he has become dangerous for us. Drunk and beat him to death. Is it possible to divorce such a husband if he is against?»


The pastor of the family ministry Irina Zhavoronkova answers.

Photo The pastor of the family ministry Irina Zhavoronkova

Hello, dear sister!

Here is what the Word of God says about divorce:

“And I’m not commanded into marriage, but the Lord: the wife should not divorce her husband. If she divorces, she must remain unmarried or reconcile with her husband, and the husband should not leave his wife. Others I say, not the Lord: if a brother has an unbeliever’s wife, and she agrees to live with him, then he should not leave her, and a wife who has an unbeliever’s husband, and he agrees to live with her, should not leave him, for an unbelieving husband is sanctified by his believer’s wife the unbeliever is sanctified by the believer’s husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. and the unbelieving depart, let him depart; a brother or sister in such cases are not related to peace the Lord has called us to do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband or husband, you know why, whether you will save your wife."? (1 Corinthians 7:10-16).

“But I tell you: whoever divorces his wife not for adultery and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery” (Matthew 19:9).

According to the Bible, there are only 3 reasons for divorce and remarriage:
1. Treason spouse.
2. The unbeliever leaves the believing spouse.
3. The death of a spouse.

I very much condole with you about what you experienced in marriage. However, assault is nowhere mentioned as a reason for divorce. Of course, this does not mean that domestic violence must be tolerated. It is necessary to protect themselves and children. However, as we see, this is not a reason for divorce.

No one knows when the moment of repentance of your spouse comes. Just believe that his salvation can be quite real, thanks only to the fact that you are his wife and pray for him!

In any case, whatever the reason for the divorce, if there is any hope for the preservation and restoration of the family, you should try to do everything we can. God for the preservation of the family!

I advise you:
1. Diligently pray for your spouse. Our Bishop Philip Savochka, in his book Family from A to Z, recommends that you treat your drinking spouse not as an enemy, but as a sick person, and pray for your drinking spouse as you would pray for healing from a physical illness.
2. Deal with the cause of drunkenness. Alcohol stoked pain, some kind of problem. What if you are able to eliminate this cause?
3. Suggest a spouse to undergo rehabilitation. If he wants to live with you, but does not have such an opportunity because of the aggression that overpowers him after drinking, then he could very well agree to rehabilitation for the sake of living together with you.
4. Consult your pastor. Knowing you and your situation, he may be able to give you some practical advice and suggest concrete steps to save the family.

May the Lord guide you and help save your family!



Question: «Greetings What to do when you realize that a guy has been watching you for a long time, but does not take any steps. I understand that I may have been injured, and now I'm afraid not to burn myself again. There is still an understanding that this person fits in spirit. I just do not want to fall in love with someone who may never make a step forward.»


Pastor David Balchos answers

Photo The Pastor David Balchos

Hello! Thanks for asking.

If we look at how God arranged the process of creating a family, we can clearly see that the initiative must come from a man. In the first Book of the Bible it is written so: “Therefore a man will leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife; and they will be one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).

That is, the Word of God speaks about concrete steps from the side of a man - “leave” (perhaps, including the past mistakes), and “cleave” - these are concrete actions.

What to do if, as you say, “cleave” only with a glance and not a step further?))

I think there are two reasons:
- or unwillingness to take responsibility for the family;
- or just the lack of courage.

Both the first and second - this is what a person needs to figure out in himself with God's help. There can hardly be any help from outside. The Holy Spirit can give real courage when executed by him, but no one can force a person to do it.

The fact that it suits you in spirit is good. But does he fit as husband and father of future children?

My advice is to sincerely serve God in purity, and He will come with genuine sincerity and will give you a good husband.

Blessings!



Question: «Do you believe in friendship between Christians?»


Responds pastor Vyacheslav Murenko

Photo Pastor Vyacheslav Murenko

Hello, if I understand you correctly, then we are talking about the friendship between Christians of different faiths. I am sure that people who read the Bible and fulfill the commandments of Christ are “doomed” to friendship among themselves. We have one Father, one Savior, one Comforter. As the Apostle Paul wrote: “One Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all, and through all, and in all of us.” (Ephesians 4: 5, 6 ).

If we look at the lives of the first Christians, we see that with the complete autonomy of the cross churches, they had fellowship with each other. That is, they came to visit, preach, share testimonies, help financially, financially. If there were questions of dogma, then councils were convened to resolve them.

The divisions began after the Church became state in the 4th century. Satan is trying to squeeze his principle into our communities: "divide and conquer ."
How can we be friends today? Search for points of contact, not separation. For example, to uphold Christian morality in our schools, to engage in charity work together, charity works, celebrate Christian holidays together, organize prayer breakfasts, etc., etc.

God's blessings to you.



Hello. I go to church since childhood. I'm 15.
Recently, I began to communicate with a boy who I like very much, he is 17, he is also from my church.
Every day, communication with him was something unusual. I did not feel the sparks, but I feel that it is from God. We rushed with him and recently realized that. We decided to slow down and grow. His parents .. to put it mildly .. Do not love me. Straight very. There are some reasons for this. But especially his mother is against our relationship even after 2-3 years. It is very difficult to be near this family, knowing that they have hatred for you. I apologized many times, I respectfully behave with his mom, but she does not change opinions.
He recently wrote to me that he wants to limit our communication.
He said: "we remove photos, videos, voice messages. We change the style of communication, etc." I agreed, although it was difficult, but I feel love for him. Although, one might think, what kind of love is 15 ...
So here. He began to communicate with me as if he did not care. He answers all in one word, does not tell how he is, nothing . Maybe this is such a tactic, but it's hard for me to understand.
It hurts me a lot, I often cry, I understand that everything is for the best, but can you really not communicate with me in a different way? Even friends do not communicate like us.
Another 1 month of such communication, and I do not think that I can continue in this spirit.
On Sunday I will see him, and I do not understand how to behave. Because he behaves like he will not care. Although he says no.

Question: «How to behave? Should stop this communication?»


Pastor Olga Sinelnikova answers

Photo Pastor Olga Sinelnikova

Good day.
Before answering your question, I want to say that I understand the pain that you are now feeling, and from the bottom of my heart I empathize with you.
As a young you were in a difficult and already adult situation, and, unfortunately, decisions will also need to be made by adults.

How do you behave with this brother?
Completely break a relationship and not communicate at all:
- do not communicate in person
- do not talk on the phone
- do not communicate in social networks
- not to learn about him from mutual friends.

Having met in church, say hello, as with any other person, and calmly walk past.

The love that comes from God does not bring spiritual wounds, pain and sin.
Such a relationship does not need to glue, because they are building the Lord.
The Bible says:
"And we know that to those who love God, who were called according to His purpose, all works together for good." Rome 8:28

If the relationship began to fall apart, the Lord saves you from what you do not need:
1. Not time yet. 15 and 17 years is the time to learn and acquire a profession.
2. The inability or unwillingness to take responsibility for this relationship - how a brother behaves, shows his immaturity, he is not able to take responsibility, and this is normal, he is only 17 years old, he is still a teenager, and only real ones take responsibility men
3. This is not the person - if he so quickly moved to coldness and alienation, then this is not love . True love is not afraid of difficulties: "And Jacob served for Rachel for seven years; and they seemed to him in a few days, because he loved her." Gen. 29:20

I want to strengthen you with my story.
I was born in an unbelieving family and repented at the age of 18. A brother from a believing family was baptized with me. We talked a bit, and this brother said to me: "If mother allows, I will come to you to woo."
I was overwhelmed with emotions — a bride without the 5 minutes — and was awaiting a proposal, but instead experienced a tremendous shock and misunderstanding, because this brother began to avoid me, and we never spoke to him again.

I think then I was experiencing the same thing as you are now. My heart was breaking with pain, and I could not understand why it was impossible to talk and just say: “Forgive me, I am taking my words back”.

Only six months later I found out that he was not allowed by his mother ...
Looking back now, I thank God that He did not feel sorry for me and let me go through this pain.

Thanks to this, I have a wonderful husband, two beautiful sons and daughters-in-law, who became relatives for us.
And after a few years, that brother was expelled from the church.

I thanked God many times that He saved me from marriage with him.

You must be courageous and free from attachment and pain:
- Share your experiences with your shepherd.
- Re-establish relationship with God through prayer and Bible reading
- Take the ministry in the church
- Forgive this brother
- And the most important thing: stop thinking about him, remember your meetings and talk about it.

And although it is very difficult for you now, God has prepared for you the best.
Just trust Him.
"And we know that to those who love God, who were called according to His purpose, all works together for good." Rome 8:28



«Good day. My husband and I love each other very much, but there were a number of situations when he was hiding something from me and deceiving me. I was shocked because I was sure that we had harmony and purity. How to start trusting your husband again, if he deceived you several times? How to stop living in suspicions and fears endless anxiety? Before the first deception, there was no such fear. There was love in the heart. Now fear and anxiety are daily companions that make it difficult to live a happy family life. We pray with our husband, go to church, read the Bible.»


Pastor Olga Sinelnikova answers

Photo Pastor Olga Sinelnikova

Good day.

You are right, it is difficult to trust a person if he deceived you. I am very pleased that you and your husband love each other, go to church together and communicate with God. Even in strong families, problems and temptations sometimes come, but God and love for one another will help overcome them.

Let's start in order:

How to start trusting your husband again if he cheated on you several times?

1. To talk and agree on how to be honest with each other, because this is the price of trust in the family.
2. Forgive husband
3. Forget these situations and start from scratch.

To do this, draw strength from the Bible:

1 Cor 13: 4-8; 13: "Love is patient , has mercy, love is not jealous, love does not exalt, does not pride, does not rage, does not seek its own, does not irritate, does not think evil, does not rejoice in untruth, but rejoices in truth; everything covers, believes everything, hopes everything transfers everything. Love never fails, although the prophecies will cease, and the tongues will cease, and knowledge will be abolished .... And now these three abide: faith, hope, love; but love is more of them."

How to stop living in suspicions and fears, endless anxiety?

You didn’t write what your husband was hiding from you and what he was deceiving, so I can only give general recommendations:

1. In a heart-to-heart conversation, find out the reason why your husband was deceiving you or hiding something from you. The reasons may be different:
- At work, the problem and the husband did not tell you everything, so that you do not worry
- I experienced it myself and did not want to talk about it (there are people who experience problems in themselves and can talk about them only after some time)
- I was afraid of your emotional reaction. If we react too violently to some information: we are outraged, crying, shouting, criticizing, reproaching, remembering the old one + adding the phrase: “but I told you ...”, the husband, the wife, and even more so the children, for fear of this very stormy reactions may be afraid to tell the truth.
- I was afraid of your reaction to the ego error.
- I sinned and he was ashamed.

2. Having learned the true reason, you will understand how to respond correctly:
- If your husband as a man does not tell you something, so as not to worry, this is not a reason for frustration, but his right as head of the family.
- If he is experiencing problems inside, take it as his feature, because we are all different.
- If your husband is afraid of your reaction to the words - change it and react calmly, without losing control over your emotions.
- If the husband is mistaken in something - give him the right to make mistakes, they are an integral part of our life.
- If a husband has committed a sin - this is the most serious situation of all, but there is a way out in it: pray for the husband, do not agree with sin, but support the spouse and continue to love. If this is an immoral sin (drank, lit, changed ...), try to persuade him to go to the pastor for confession.

I pray that God will heal your heart, restore the relationship of love and trust and make your family even stronger.



Question: Hello! I go to the Church of Evangelical Christians Baptists. And I came to study at the university, and met a guy, and fell in love with him, and he was with me .. But there is one big problem: he is a Muslim. How can I be friends with him, communicate? And I really want him to be saved, and to know the true God .. Please give a direction.


Pastor Tatiana Keba answers

Photo Pastor Tatiana Keba

The Bible says for Christians that the future spouse should be in the Lord, that is, recognize Jesus Christ as their Lord and savior. Then the family will have a spiritual unity and a strong biblical foundation.Otherwise, you doom yourself to a misunderstanding in the most important fundamental issue, this will drag along disputes and conflicts. Tell your boyfriend that you are a Christian and tell us about Christ. If he accepts your faith, it is wonderful, but if not, I do not advise you to associate your life with him. Otherwise the moment will come, and you may be offered to abandon Christ. Can you handle it ?

Do not drag out the relationship without figuring it out, because the further you go, the more you get used to the person.



Question: «If a boy and a girl are already in a relationship, love God, but allowed themselves closer physical contact (hugs, kisses and holding hands), what to do?
Will the pastor be able to marry them?»


Pastor Tatiana Keba answers

Photo Pastor Tatiana Keba

The Bible says that we must keep our temple holy and pure, because it belongs to God and the Holy Spirit lives in it. There is an order in our church - friendship, then a sentence, then a matchmaking, after which the boy and the girl are declared bride and groom. After that, they can join hands, but without kisses, hugs, and even more intimate relationships. After this wedding and here you are family! And now everything is possible! Therefore, keep yourself, because your future blessing depends on it.

I advise you to repent, stop doing sin and tell everything honestly to your pastor. And he decides what to do with you.